This post contains spoilers for Game of Thrones Season 8, episode 3.
Last week on Game of Thrones, winter came prematurely. The Night King is dead, but the more shocking twist for many was the discovery that Mr. Long Night can, in fact, Get It.
Things got unexpectedly steamy during the Battle of Winterfell. After getting absolutely roasted by Daenerys (rude), our Strong, Silent, Undead type finally let down a bit of that emotional ice wall to give us a smile that melted our hearts.
There are literally dozens of us who think the Night King can Get It. And if wanting to bang an ice monster is wrong, we don’t want to be right.
Because the night might be dark and full of terrors, but we’re like super sure it has a soft spot too. So please, Night King, march your invasion south of our wall!
A king who will treat you like a queen
Not many people know this, but the Night King’s bangability is actually straight up canon.
In the books, legends of the Night King not only describe him busting his load with a special lady, but also having the decency to treat her like a total goddamn queen afterward. Can you say the same for your Tinder side piece? We didn’t think so.
Like a White Walker Romeo and Juliet, the thirteenth Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch became the Night King after falling in love with a literal ice queen (#relatable). The northern legend says he “loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well.” Not the kind to hit it then quit it, he put a ring on it by declaring himself king and her his corpse queen.
I mean talk about relationship goals! Ladies, if he’s willing to betray all mankind for you, he’s probably a keeper.
The BDE on this dude
Silent command of a room defines BDE. When the Night King strolled into the Godswood with his crew, he didn’t have to say a single word to make everyone bend to his will.
Sure, that’s mostly because he telepathically controls the undead army. But also it’s the big dick energy thing. Is that a Valyrian dagger in your pocket, or are you just dying to see me?
It’s a stereotype that if you even mention the word “baby,” men will run screaming for the hills. But not Ice Bae! When you talk about kids, he gets this hungry, almost possessive look in his eyes.
He’s too shy to say it, but you know what it means: He wants to raise a family with you. Like, an army-sized family.
Ever heard of temperature play???
It’s called BDSM, sweetie — look it up. Ice me, Night Daddy.
Gives piercing blue eyes a new definition
Be still my undead heart!
While the Night King was getting pierced by Arya’s dagger, we shattered under his piercing blue gaze. Move over, Bradley Cooper. Leonardo Di Who? There’s a new pair of beautiful baby blues sweeping the nation.
The best part is you can guarantee the Night King will pass along this attractive trait onto the kids you have together. Because that’s, like, one of his main things (see above).
Impeccable fashion sense, almost to a fault
Ultimately the Night King was undone by his refusal to cover up his sexy midriff.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) April 29, 2019
The patience to make long distance work
Even haters can’t deny the Night King’s enviable patience. He knows it takes time and investment to build something, like an army of the dead 100,000 strong or a healthy relationship.
He’ll for sure be the most reliable long distance relationship you’ve ever had. And when it finally becomes too much for both of you to stay apart, you know your Night Bae will move 30-foot mountains (OK, magical ice walls, same difference) to get to you.
Strong, goal-oriented leadership
The recent Valyrian dagger-shaped mistake not withstanding, the Night King has a pretty solid CV built up over thousands and thousands of years of dedicated leadership.
His soldiers are all literally ready to follow him to hell and back, which is more than we can say for most of the other kings on this show. You also know he’s dedicated to longterm projects and investments, refusing to quit his goals even if he fails the first time around.
A relationship of ice and fire
Ask any therapist: the key to a great romantic match is balance. So when you get hot off his cool exterior, you know he’s the right one. The yin to your yang, the Stark to your Targaryen, the winter to your summer.
Ice Bae’s watch has ended. But that doesn’t mean we’ll stop thinking about him for many long nights to come.